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About Digital Art / Professional Core Member Vicki30/Female/United Kingdom Groups :iconheartequine: HEARTequine
we HEART equine
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Deviant for 10 Years
25 Month Core Membership
Statistics 1,123 Deviations 18,051 Comments 349,479 Pageviews

Recent Artwork







Copyrighted © 2016 Vicki Clarke. All Rights Reserved
My Artwork and Photography is not for reuse, sale, or to be redestributed. It's copyrighted and remains on DeviantART. Look but don't touch!


Commissons & Artwork Status







Trades Ask by Dri-Bee Commissions Open by Dri-Bee Requests Never by Dri-Bee
EXs and Heart Divider by Dri-BeeEXs and Heart Divider by Dri-BeeEXs and Heart Divider by Dri-Bee


PB Red - Starting by Oceannist waiting for info
PB Red - Sketching by Oceannist info received
PB Red - Inking by Oceannist collecting stock
PB Red - Coloring by Oceannist piecing together
PB Red - Shading by Oceannist adding finishing touches
PB Red - Finished by Oceannist finished




Art Trades by Dri-Bee

PB Red - Finished by Oceannist CoutureEquineDesigns



PB Red - Coloring by Oceannist glasstreason
PB Red - Inking by Oceannist Twistyh-stock
PB Red - Shading by Oceannist Twilight-Veil


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Unpaid Button by RoyalBlackheart Paid Button by RoyalBlackheart Wooden Closed Sign by DizzyAlyx Wooden Open Sign by DizzyAlyx

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Stamps That Say A Little More About Me...





- devils-horizon stamp by Autoile

~ ♥ ~

British Stamp by Kezzi-Rose I Love Rainbows Stamp by ClefairyKid I Love To Travel Stamp by devils-horizon Cutting Ties by ClefairyKid Sushi Love Stamp by wangqr Tea Stamp by Kezzi-Rose I like scary movies by Oktanas Stamp - Photoshop User by firstfear i love my CAMERA stamp by RRRAI TWLOHA Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Love Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Nationality Stamp - Canada by MissBezz I love my TABLET stamp by RRRAI LGBT Equal Rights Support by RuthlessDreams .: Read the comments :. Stamp by Beti-Kot digital-artists stamp by CookiemagiK Panda Stamp by xXMandy20Xx Pretty Ladybug heart by Loreenitta I Love Nature by emmil Stamp - I love Green Tea by r0se-designs Hot Chocolate Stamp by Kezzi-Rose ARK Support Stamp by Mirz123 Nail Varnish Stamp by Kezzi-Rose origami. by Tbearmn22 Stamp: Listener by delusional-dreams I :heart: Smores by SparklyDest Mac Lover Stamp by Davidgtza2 PC Lover Stamp by guitarcraze Be Yourself Stamp by Mirz123 Pieces of Heart Stamp by Mirz123 True Friends Stamp by Mirz123 Dreamland by EternalxRequiem Powered by Canon EOS 550D by legalcrime Mmm Baileys Stamp by devils-horizon Northern Lights Stamp by devils-horizon Sunset Freedom Horses Stamp by devils-horizon Fairground Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Iced Tea Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Play My Music Stamp by ladieoffical Books Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Brave Stamp by SpannedSoul


deviantID

devils-horizon
Vicki
Artist | Professional | Digital Art
United Kingdom
Current Residence: »» Home Counties, UK
Experience: »» 16+ years
Operating System: »» Windows 7
Screen Size: »» 1680 x 1050
Digital Tools of The Trade: »» Adobe Photoshop CS5 & Wacom Bamboo Pen & Touch Tablet
Photography Equipment: »» Canon EOS 70D, Canon EOS 550D, Canon EF 50mm f/1.4 USM, Canon EF 85mm f/1.8 USM, Canon EF-S 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 IS, Canon 55-250mm f/4-5.6 IS, Tamron 10-24mm f/3.5-4.5 Di II LD, Sigma 120-400mm f/4.5-5.6 APO DG OS HSM
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A piece of me.

Recently something that someone did (whether intentionally or unintentionally) really bothered me to the point where I started to question why I try so hard to create the artwork that I do. I am a 30 year old woman and I cried at a critique that I received. It was public and pulled apart everything that I had created in one fell swoop. It wasn't asked for and it hit me hard. It was truthful and I believe the person who left it didn't know what they were doing would affect me in such a way, but regardless it has and I'm not proud to have to say this but I have had enough, I can't live like this anymore.

I can't claim to be as good as those amazing artists out there now because I really am not. Digital Art is taken such a massive step in recent years and I haven't been able to keep up because I just don't have the time to dedicate to it anymore. I understand that that makes what I create less than desirable over that of someone who gets to perfect their style on a much more frequent basis.

I started to create all those years ago to escape everything that I was struggling with in real life. Everything that I created in art was something that I couldn't  escape in my waking life. It was (is) a lifeline. A lot of my pieces had hidden meanings, characters had scars and broken pasts because that was me. There was a piece of me in every artwork I submitted.

I'm not a confident person, I have severe panic attacks that get worse with stress and lately that's all my life is made up of. I'm not good at being the adult that I should be and I go through a massive "what the eff am I doing with my life" question daily: the answer is almost always the same, nothing. I am a recovering self harmer who is gay and the size of a house. I never planned to live passed my 30th birthday and don't even get me started on the fact that I turn 31 this year and I still live with my parents. I can't draw manes and tails, I don't produce half of what I want to in art because my self esteem gets in the way. I convince myself that it's not "good enough" to submit, that it's not half what I used to be when my emotional outbursts would produce some amazing scenes inside my messed up head.

8 years ago my best friend decided that she would fuck off out of my life and my art turned dark, really dark, I typography'd more, I started to self harm and lost myself for a while but art was ALWAYS there. Always constant and reliable. I could fall into it and out of it as easily as I wanted. I never wanted the flame to fade, but it did regardless. And soon it was months between submitted creations because I just didn't have the confidence to submit work that was mediocre at best. Every piece needed to be better than the last one I submitted, it became a personal endeavour and I was my own worst enemy. I destroyed a lot of close to finished work because it was too much of "the same".

I have never, in my 10 years on DeviantART, once offered a critique to anyone. The reason for this is because I don't like how it makes me feel like a failure. Because I am a perfectionist and should a critique see something that I "failed" on it makes me feel even less adequate. I don't want ANYONE to feel like that. It's literally the worst feeling in the world.

I've lost the spark and I'm sorry. Because I never wanted to react that way to something so simple as a critique on a mediocre piece of artwork. I'm sorry that my art is a disappointment sometimes, I am only human and I'll try harder, but when I've given all I can and its still not good enough then I'm afraid I'll have to call it a day.

I don't want sympathy or dragons at my door, I just want to create art and be happy doing it. So I am asking respectfully, please no critiques. I am my own worst critic and it's killing me.

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:icondanjahmouse:
DanjahMouse Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Eeeek thank you so much for the Watch! It really means a lot to me as I've admired your work for years :love:
:heart:
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:iconwhimsicalruby:
WhimsicalRuby Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so much for the fave! :heart:
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:iconthe-flight-factor:
The-Flight-Factor Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh my goodness "5AM" and "I'll be good" are my jams <3
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:icondwdstock:
DWDStock Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2016  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the +fav  Heart 
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:iconarrsistable:
arrsistable Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2016
:heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::heart:
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