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Hello all, thank you for all your comments on my journal, I'll respond when I can. Ozzy passed away this evening, he passed on naturally and in his own bed with me, dad and mum around him. He's in a much happier place now and not suffering anymore, and I feel so honoured to have shared nearly 10 years with him. I'll be posting a journal dedicated to him and his life when I can get all my feelings together without sobbing my heart out. Xx
It's the sickness I can't get over, the way he's gone down hill in the space of a couple of weeks. It looks like we neglect him, that we've forgotten to feed him for weeks on end when in reality we've sat beside him feeding him by hand night after night after night.
I wouldn't wish this illness on any living creature, it's a cruel horrid way to go and I hate that we didn't notice it sooner. I wish I'd taken more pictures (though I have in excess of 1000), I wish I'd taken more walks, given more love, had more time.
I wish above everything I'd had more time.
He's all but given up, there's no light anymore, no little woofs, no tail wag no nothing. He's just endlessly sleepy. I gave him his Christmas presents early and my mum informed my brother (who lives in Singapore) this morning that he may not make it till Christmas, he may not make it till my brother comes home on the 22nd.
I'm hoping for a miracle, I'm hoping he holds on so my brother can say goodbye. I prayed for the first time in 8 years last night. I begged and pleaded and I cried more tears for him than I ever did my ex.
I'm angry that someone I loved for 18 months expected me to show more love to her than him. My best friend for over 9 years. Fuck he's been there through a lot more than someone who couldn't be bothered to tell her family she was gay despite telling me how much she "loved" me. It was, is and always will be him and fuck you for assuming otherwise! At the end of the day he will never have been selfish in all of his life because he gave gave gave till he had no more.
Now I need to be selfless and let him go.
My heart hurts.
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